Scratchnsniff Tuesday
by Draco-luver
Summary: What happens when the students of Hogwarts find scratch-n-sniff stickers under their plates one night at dinner? Well, read and find out! R&R!


_Teehee, oh the ideas that come to you when you haven't slept.  
_  
Scratch-n-Sniff Tuesday  
  
-by-  
  
**Draco-luver  
**  
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A woman wearing a cloak enters a dark room, hood drawn, and sits in a chair before a low fire.  
  
"I am here to tell you the tale of the of the day that was ever remembered as 'Scratch-n-Sniff Tuesday'."  
  
The woman leans back in her chair and begins the tale.  
  
"It was a blustery day at Hogwarts School of blah blah blah. Who cares about where it happened, the point is something very ... well odd is about to happen and we shouldn't be wasting time with sappy intros.   
  
Now, something so devious, something so horrendous, something so despicable was about to happen. Something that would change the lives of so many at Hogwarts this very day, something many would never forget.  
  
"Hey, what's this scrap of purple paper?" Neville said as he sat down to dinner on April first upon picking up his plate; as not to drip gravy on the table.  
  
Neville picked up the small piece of purple paper and examined it carefully. Five years in such a school told you to be wary of everything. Even what appeared to be scrap paper.  
  
Neville inspected it thoroughly, front and back. It was about 2 centimeters by 2 centimeters in size, one side was blank white and one side was purple with a picture of a plum on it. With the words Scratch-n-Sniff written on it. He was about to do as the paper instructed when someone interrupted him.  
  
"Whatcha got there Neville?" Ron said, breaking from his potatoes to breathe.  
  
"Dunno, found it under my plate. See." Neville showed Ron the piece of paper and went back to looking at it himself on the verge of scratching it when Ron interrupted him again.  
  
"Hey theres one under mine too, 'cept it's brown and has a potato on it." Ron said, examining his own newly discovered paper. "Oi, Harry, is there one under your's too?"  
  
Harry looked, and indeed there was. It was green with a small apple on it.  
  
Soon the whole of the Gryffindor table was looking under their plates and finding small papers depicting various fruits or vegi's. The Ravenclaw table observed this and inspected the bottoms of their own plates and also finding the mysterious the papers. Soon so had the Hufflepuff and Slytherin tables, even the Teaching staff had found them under their plates, all finding the same results.   
  
Small pieces of paper with one blank side and one colored side showing a fruit or vegetable.  
  
Everyone looked to the papers and then to their neighbors and then back to the papers. Most of the Muggle born students were wondering 'why anyone would go to the trouble to hide scratch and sniffs under all of the plates?'. But the majority of the students from Wizarding families were just confused. Until...  
  
"Scratch me!" A faint voice said from somewhere at the end of the Hufflepuff table facing the teachers. "scratch me!"  
  
This was of little surprise because of where they were, but it was still intriguing.  
  
So the unwary 3rd year Hufflepuff did indeed scratch the tiny apricot and instantly wondered why everyone was staring at him. Being the Hufflepuff he was meant to be, the apricot ignored them and went to scratching his paper again.  
  
A non-descriptive Ravenclaw 6th year scratched her paper and sprouted tiny bananas all over her robes and in her hair.  
  
A brunette Slytherin who shall go unnamed scratched his and turned into a huge crabapple, snapping at the other students nearby. Who obviously moved away from him.  
  
An eyebrow raised from the High Table and the teacher it was attached to scratched his paper and promptly turned into a large beet. With greasy black leaves and a nasty glint in it's eyes.  
  
The Hall erupted into laughter and soon everyone was scratching and sniffing and sprouting this and turning into that. There were twin avocados running around gossiping to the other fruits. There was group of secretive oranges huddling in the corner squabbling over whether or not to throw themselves at the group of 5th year Ravenclaws that had grown papaya's from their heads and arms.  
  
There was a rather large blueberry with a massive beard petting a large black onion looking creature at the staff table. There was a very annoyed zucchini with a black bun and glasses watching the mayhem unfold. There was even a disgruntled pear wearing to much jewelry and large gaudy glasses trying to sneak out of the staff door to the right of the platform.  
  
Harry Potter was now a large green apple. Lee Jordan had grown miniature pieces of broccoli all over his legs and cauliflower on his head. Hermione Granger had turned into a bushy haired butternut squash. Seamus Finnigan was now sporting teeny tiny pumkins on top of every freckle on his hands and ears. Ron Weasley had grown large potatoes from his fingertips and was trying desperately to eat them without biting his own hands. And his twin brothers were have a jolly good time squirting everyone around them with juice from the watermelons that had grown from their elbows and knees, even though it was a bit hard to run like that.  
  
Everyone was having a grand time with this new event, except one person. One person who had not scratched or sniffed and turned into something else. This person was sitting alone in the corner of the room watching everyone around him go wild with a new type of food fight. Until...  
  
Until...  
  
UNTIL!!!...  
  
...he spotted something out of the corner of his eye, something yellow and small. He stood and advanced towards the newly found item, dodging some flying asparagus.  
  
It turned out to be a lemon Scratch-n-Sniff, unscratched. Behold such a great prize such as this! For it is rare and unknown throughout his people...or somebody dropped it.  
  
So our cranky loner picked up the unscathed lemon scratch-n-sniff and retreated to his corner to examine it.  
  
But he did not scratch it, oh no, he dare not risk the chance of turning into a giant lemon. Albeit a very fashionable lemon that smelt very nice, but still a lemon. He instead pocketed the prize and started to look around for more.  
  
"Ah Fred, stopit! It's not funny anymore, I'm gonna smell like watermelons for a month!" said Angelina, scooting around the end of the Ravenclaw table trying to get away from said Weasley.  
  
"Where did Ginny go?" Ron asked.  
  
Hermione wiped pumpkin juice from her forehead, presumably not having come from a goblet. "The loo probably, she slipped in some nectar on the Hufflepuff table trying to throw a gob of corn at Ernie. She was shedding it from her arms. The corn that is, not the nectar."  
  
SPLAT!  
  
"Och, that had to hurt. A plate o' limberger cheese to the back o' the head, that'll be ripe tomorrow." Somebody stated from somewhere to their left.  
  
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Our friend on the hunt for more lemon scratchies was becoming successful in his search, having collected 19 of the treasures so far.  
  
But was disgusted having been hit with something fowl smelling, obviously a cheese product from the smell.  
  
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Dumbledore was now sporting a rather odd shaped pair of glasses smelling of plums on his nose that made a striking resemblance to a small peach. Professor Flitwick had taken on the shade of a strawberry now that he looked like one. And Professor Sinistra was picking pumpkin seeds out of her hair at a rapid rate.  
  
Our cunning explorer, having now collected 64 lemon scratchies, conjured a basket to carry them all and crouched under the Slytherin table waiting for the right moment to strike. Or whatever.  
  
Slipping past a furious almond that looked like it might have been Filch and a equally mad hissing and rotten looking cherry our careful non-lemon type creature picked up three more scratchies from underneath the left end of the Staff Table and skirted across the front of said table.  
  
"Who's that crawling along the Teacher's table?" Parvati Patil asked her twin avocado.  
  
"Dunno, I think they have brown hair?" Padma offered.  
  
"No, looks like red,"  
  
"Oh look! Lee's gotten smothered in apple cider!" Padma squealed. "He's so cute when he's wet!"  
  
Parvati squinted to see. "I didn't know Harry could bend that way,"  
  
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The scratchie searcher darted from the right end of the Head Table to the closest table he could get to. Which just happened to Hufflepuff. Scratchie Man had since collected 17 more papers from under and around the previous table and had since also stuffed them in his new basket. He just needed nine more preciouses and he could complete his most recent task. Only slightly disturbed by the fact that he was prizing the odd muggle oriented papers so, he ventured onward.  
  
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In the middle of chasing Luna between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables Colin and Dennis Creevey each slipped on what appeared to be tomato paste.  
  
"Darn, she got away. My cuccumber hurts," Dennis said, rubbing where his left ankle was. "It's hard to run with cuccumber ankles."  
  
Colin sat up, tenderly touching the back of his head, which now resembled a patch of blackberries. "Well, we'll get her yet, c'mon. She'll learn not to throw smelly cheese at us."  
  
"Well, she did miss. Maybe we shouldn't bother with her?"  
  
Colin rolled his and pulled his brother up by the elbow and darted after Luna again, who had stopped at the end of the Ravenclaw table to chat with some particularly noisy avocados. She was trying to pull what she hoped was the last of the banana pudding out of her hair when Dennis executed a diving tackle at her. Of course he missed spectacularly, but she just went all starry eyed and walked off calmly.  
  
Colin raised an eyebrow but just shrugged and took an equally bad aimed dive at some oranges on the other side of the Gryffindor table.  
  
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"Ye see mates, all bad karma comes back to bite ye in the arse if you're not well behaved. You see where I'm going?" Seamus said to his classmates.  
  
Neville yawned, or rather a round faced plum yawned from Neville's seat, accompanied by a ribbiting raspberry.  
  
Dean rubbed the spinach off of his shins, which seemed to come back no matter what he did. "No, oh wise one, we don't care either. Go tell it to the Dahli Lama, he might care."  
  
And with that statement he got up to hit on a very ripe looking olive in Slytherin robes.  
  
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Our victorious scavenger crawled out from underneath the Hufflepuff table covered in lemon scratchies, smelling of strongly of lemons. Eyes wide even he saw the irony of a yellow him leaving the shelter of the Hufflepuff table. It had taken half an hour to get all the pieces of paper on without scratching any of them, the sticking charm seemed to soak of a few of the papers so anyone near him may have thought a lemon orchard was newly planted in the Great Hall.  
  
But whatever, he had to declare his lemony-ness to the world. And he had the sudden urge to say 'Snicket'. Needless to say he was preoccupied. Maybe the fumes had gotten to him? Who knows.  
  
"I'm bettin' it's the fumes, little nutter ain't completely on the ball." Said a very butch green faerie over 'Lemon's' shoulder.  
  
Lemon, as he shall be now known, swatted at the faerie and straightened his fresh scented robes and climbed onto the Gryffindor table and cleared his throat loudly.  
  
"Ahem."  
  
Nobody paid him any mind so he tried again.  
  
"HEY!" Lemon screamed, this time some people looked at him. Those people gawked at Lemon and nudged the people around them, who in turn looked and gawked also. The Gryffindor three were among that second group.   
  
"What the hell?!" Ronald Weasley yelled. And soon the entire Hall was gawking, some even open mouthed, at Lemon. Including one Professor Snape, who was sighing mournfully.  
  
Satisfied, Lemon made his announcement, albeit a bit gleefully.  
  
"I am the Lemon King! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" Lemon exclaimed to the stunned crowd. Whoever wasn't openly staring at him most definitely was now. Even McGonagall looked like she was tryin no to stare. Pleased with this result Lemon ran out of the Great Hall, massive grin plastered on his face, and laughing madly.  
  
Ron shook his head sadly, saying, "Malfoy's finally lost it."  
  
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"The spells finally wore off and we all turned back to normal later that evening, or as normal as Hogwarts students could be. No one ever found out where they all came from, those little scratchies, such a shame it was too. Could've been one of the more saught after spells ever. That day lives in infamy and not many of us will ever forget it. That Scratch-N-Sniff Tuesday. So I bid you good-day, and have a pleasent tomorrow. Love, Peace, and Wizards Feet." The young-ish woman gives a peace sign and winks but is interrupted by a loud scream.  
  
"Oi! Ginny! Hurry up! Dinner!"  
  
"I'm coming!" The woman screams back, smiles, and leaves.  
  
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**Do review. Please. ;**


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